Is That Dark Chocolate? Could It Be That....

This so boggles the mind....This is what is called "The Chocolate Jesus," a full-size depiction of an anatomically correct (balls and all) Big Ernie that was supposed to be on display this week in NY. This is 200 lbs of chocolate which mostly has gone to waste. I mean, how can you make a chocolate Haysus with ears that can hardly be nibbled? And another thing: How does anyone know this is supposed to look like Big Ernie? Is there somebody around today who was living with him back then to affirm this? Hell, maybe he was blonde.

Anyway, some Catholics threatened to torch the hotel where the show was supposed to be, so the whole thing has been cancelled. The artist who made this said people were jumping to conclusions. This from a guy whose previous efforts included spraying five tons of pepperjack cheese on a Wyoming home, and festooning another place with processed ham.

Now then, this guy is Obama all gussied up to look like Big Ernie. The artist of this piece says he is trying to point out that, while Barack is fresh with new ideas, he ain't exactly the Messiah. Obama, like me, says he's mystified.

Some people are trying to buy these things. And no wonder: Rumor has it that a vision of the Virgin Mary appears on the chocolate Jesus's left hambone.

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This happened a while back, and it is just getting out. It seems that when Rumsfeld was briefing President Dubya one morning, he allowed that three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq.

To everyone's amazement, all the color ran from Bushie's face, then he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken.

Finally, he composed himself and asked Rummy, "Just exactly how many is a brazillion?"

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The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch and then starts putting on his coat. His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks, "Where are you going?"

He says, "I'm going to the doctor. I'm gonna get me some of that Viagra stuff."

Immediately his wife arises from her rocker and begins putting on her coat. He says, "Where the hell you going?"

She responds: "I'm going to the doctor too. If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting a tetanus shot."

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My favorite word today is flabbergasted. Adj., suck it up or suck it out. Def.: Appalled over how much weight you have gained.