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A veterinarian was also an amateur geneticist. One day, one of his experiments paid off. He successfully combined the DNA of a cantaloupe with that of a dog. The result was a small, round dog with orange-tinted fur.
For many years the dog was happy. But over time, he became lethargic and morose. The vet tried everything to cure the dog's depression. Eventually, he decided to take the dog to a pet psychiatrist. The psychiatrist told the veterinarian not to worry. The dog was just.....a little melon collie.
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Recently, a friend sent me some pictures of the domiciles where celebrities live. They are quite nice, so Ol' Hoss will share:
This is the home of Eddie Murphy:
This is the home of Arnold Schwarzenegger:
And this is the future home of O.J. Simpson:
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How about some body statistics:
It takes food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 6 lbs.
The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Women reading this will be finished by now.
Men who read this are still way back measuring their thumbs.
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A father asked his 10-year-old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.
"I don't want to know," said the son, bursting into tears. "Promise you won't tell me."
Confused, the father asked what was wrong.
The boy sobbed. "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. At seven I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa Claus' speech.
"If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."
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My favorite word today is hypochondriac. N., somebody who doesn't have anything. Def.: This is a guy whose epitaph says NOW will you believe me?
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