Maybe They Can Call Them Kools

Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music.   The iBoob will cost from $499 to $699, depending upon cup and speaker size.

The developers are hailing this as a major social breakthrough, because woman are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

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Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home having a drink and a smoke when it starts to rain.  Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the closed end and puts it over her cigarette and continues smoking.

Arlene:  What the hell is that?

Jane:  A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Arlene:  Where did you get it?

Jane:  You can get them at any drugstore

The next day, Arlene hurries herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.  The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, look at her strangely (she is, he knows, over 80 years of age), and delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

"It doesn't matter, sonny, as long as it fits on  a Camel.

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A Mexican family was considering putting Grandfather Abuelo in a nursing home.  All the Hispanice facilities were completely full so they had to put him in an Irish home.  After a few weeks went by, they came to visit him.

"How do you like it here?" asks the grandson.

"It's wonderful," he says.  "Everyone here is so courteous and respectful."

The grandson responds, "Oh, that makes us very happy.  We were worried that this was the wrong place for you, since you are a little different from the rest of the people here."

"Oh, no!  Let me tell you how wonderfully they treat the residents," he says with a big smile.  "There's a musician here -- he's 85 years old.  He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'!"

"There's a judge in here -- he's 95 years old.  He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him 'Your Honor'!"

"And me -- I haven't had sex for 35 years, and they still call me 'The Fucking Mexican.'!"

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My favorite word today is mankind.  N., could be a whole bunch of folks.  Def.:  To understand mankind, you have to look at the word itself.  MANKIND.  Basically, it's made up of two words:  MANK and IND.  What do these two words mean?  It's another mystery, so I think we better find a word I like more.