The Old Guy Drops In; Lessons in Scat

I am sitting out near the reception desk in our Old Folks' Home when The Old Guy makes an appearance. He has a two-wheeled luggage carrier to which are attached his khaki blanket, Boy Scout kit, and extra sock. He rotates his socks, like tires.

The Old Guy is what some of you would call "homeless." I don't buy it. A home is where you hang your hat, and if you can hang your hat on one of the girders under the Center Street Bridge, where Old Guy usually dwells, then he's got a home. Simple as that. Damn liberals.

He pops out from under the bridge occasionally when he gets cold. So he's cold, and he approaches our receptionist, who today happens to be Dim Big Guy.

Old Guy: "Can I stay here tonight?"
Dim Guy: "Nope. Not this time, not last time, not no any time."
Old Guy: "I'll give you a blow job if you let me stay."

Since The Old Guy is toothless, this appeals to Dim Guy. He grabs the company manual to get advice.

"Beejer (Giving)"

Wrong page.

"Beejer (Getting)" -- "Beejers may be accepted only during meal periods, and may not be witnessed by more than two (2) residents."

Dim Guy: "Sorry, oldtimer, it's a long time til breakfast. I'll have the cops come get you again."
Old Guy: "Nah, don't do that. I'll just steal a car downstairs and drive myself to the slammer. I'll tell 'em you sent me."
Dim Guy: "Well, thanks, a little word of mouth advertising doesn't hurt. But stealing a car is a bad idea. Take my rig. I'd hate to have you arrested before you go to jail."

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I've got this girl friend up in Canada. (Although she didn't know she's my girl friend until just this minute.) She touted me on an internet site at the University of Finland where some enterprising soul has taken the time to list all the known synonyms for a lot of common words such as fellatio, cunnulingus, male genitalia, brothel and breasts.

Book writers everywhere are indebted to this site. No romance novelist worth his/her salt could sell a book with words like testicle, semen and and fornication. No, it's got to be "love nuts," "oil of man" and "hide the bone." Consider this sentence, which is most likely going to be in the latest opus by Danielle Steelbottom:

"Boris, in the shitter to dump a meatloaf, grabbed his blood-engorged sausage, spanked the monkey and dropped his load, while thinking of the roundheels he met last night."

I tell you, that sings.

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P.S. This site is X-rated. This should not be read by anyone under 6 years old.