All About the Children From A.S.S.O.U.T.

Well, I guess nothing could be worse than this: Some punk college kid has come out in favor of showing your butt crack. I am having a hard time with this, for you know how much I am NOT in favor of asscrack. Woe is me.

Here's what I know about it: A University of Michigan sophomore, Tyler Perriman, 20, has created an organization known as American Students Safeguarding Our Underwear Technique (A.S.S.O.U.T.). This, he says, is an organization "dedicated to preserving the rights of people to wear their pants low." He adds, "We're here, we're sheer, and we like to show our rear."

Of course I can't let this go. As you know, I am President of the National Organization of Citizens Ready for Ass of the Concealed Kind (N.O.C.R.A.C.K.). I think we have way more members (9) than Perriman does (1). I am having business cards printed up. Let me know if you don't get yours, for N.O.C.R.A.C.K. simply has to defeat A.S.S.O.U.T. It's the American Way.

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Everybody -- I say everybody -- loves a good buttcrack joke, though. So go see this one.

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A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles. But I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, he asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game all they kept screaming was 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like....Helloooo? It's only 25 cents!"

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My favorite word today is adult. N., a former teenager. Def.: A person that has stopped growing at both ends but not in the middle.