Saving Money on the Military

Somebody has finally figured out how to make your tax dollars go farther when it comes to war with Iraq -- or anybody else, as far as that goes. Why didn't Bush think of this?



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The ending of some plays in football can be pretty grim funny.

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The football player knew his way around the locker room better than he did the library. So when the librarian saw the gridiron star roaming the stacks of books looking confused, she asked if she could be of help.

"I have to read a play by Shakespeare," he said.

"Which one?" she asked.

He scanned the shelves and responded: "William."

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One of the best singles ads ever printed:

"SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your car (whatever make or model -- I'm not fussy), hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Call 503-898-xxxx, and ask for Daisy. I'll be waiting."

More than 15,000 men found themselves talking to the ASPCA about an 8-week-old Labrador retriever.

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My favorite word today is osteopornosis. N., dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones... Def.: A degenerate disease.