I Hope She Has the Time

A New Zealander, a sheep and a dog were survivors of a terrible ocean storm. They found themselves stranded on a desert island, and after awhile they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down.
One particular evening, the sky was red with beatiful cirrus clouds. The breeze was warm and gentle, a perfect night for romance. And the sheep started looking better and better to the Kiwi. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. The dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the Kiwi took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and lo and behold there was another terrible storm. The only survivor this time was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the Kiwi had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, but they slowly nursed her back to health. When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to the evening beach ritual.

It was another beautiful evening: red cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon the New Zealander started to get "those feelings" again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned toward the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear:

"Would you do a favor for me?" he asked.

"Certainly," she said.

"Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"

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A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem: how to carry his entire load of purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"

The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact my farm is very close to that house and I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot," he replied. The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Why thank you very much," he said, and proceeded to walk toward the lady's house.

On the way he said, "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time." The little old lady looked him over cautiously and then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"

The farmer said, "Holy smokes, lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket and I'll hold the chickens."

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My favorite word today is aging. N., getting way old like me. Def.: Eventually you will reach this point, when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.