Another Day in the Life

Some people here in The Old Folks' Home are starting to take me into their confidence. I think they figure that since they have bored everybody else here to tears I will write up their stories on the internet, and then they can take a whack at boring you. Glad to help.

Carolina Sister told me she and her daughter, Tilde, had a discussion about "my Last Will and Temperamental." She said, "I got a statute in there that says I'm going to take all my money with me. But Tilde said I would really be uncomfortable in a casket stuffed with hundred-dollar bills; I'd just have no elbow room. So Tilde said to give her all the money and when I go to my Last Reward she would toss in a big check so I could get me some hats, Depends and manicures in the Great Beyond.

"Don't you just love a daughter who would look after her Mom's comfort like that?

"And did you know they have manicures in Heaven?"

I said, "Sure. And they got dementia here in Hell."

+ + + + + + + +

Yesterday it was beautiful here in Oregon. Seventy degrees, low humidity. Six kids playing in a street full of hydrant water got run down by trucks, and my neighbor Georgina Teatsuckle gave me something to chew. All in all, a pretty good day.

+ + + + + + + +

I have a new friend who lives up in one of the Twin Cities. I don't remember which one; Beirut, I think. His name is Chris Cope. I got a link to him down there in the lower left. He said he Googled me and found out I used to be Oregon public utility commissioner, and that I should own up to it.

Well, it's true. I regulated the rates and service terms of the electric, telephone and gas utilities, the intrastate trucking companies, and private water companies. It was a big job, and I could only play golf Monday, Wednesday and Thursday.

One time a lawyer called me and said the telephone company was trying to cut off his service for nonpayment, and he wanted me to stop 'em.

I said, "Well, you're a lawyer. You must be making piles. Why don't you pay?"

He said, "Oh, I don't charge my clients. You think I should take money from people just to give it to the phone company? What kind of guy do you think I am?"