The Escapist & the Fisher Folk

Delicia Ratfinc escaped from The Old Folks' Home today. Delicia is about 66 1/2 yrs. old, nice looking. Wears 4-inch heels. As it was later reconstructed, she walked down the hill, obliviously crossed four lanes of traffic and waltzed into the pizza shop.

She asks for, and gets, one slice of pizza. $2.25, says the counterman. "I don't have any money," Delicia says. "I've got nothing to spend money on, so I don't carry any."

Counterman gives her the pizza, free, about the time a winded caregiver catches up with her and leads her back to The Home.

This, of course, is not the first time Delicia has escaped. She has made it to the grocery store (where they frowned on giving her a 12-pack of Bud and some Junior Mints for free); to the tire store (which also would not Annie Oakley her a tire); and to the drug store (where she was unable to get a free sample of morphine).

Once Delicia walked into the cleaners, whipped off her dress and asked whether it would be ready in a day or two. "I'll wait," she said.

I would say that Delicia is a candidate for the funny farm, except we don't say "funny farm" anymore, as that is disrespectful. So I guess it's off to the nuthouse for Delicia.

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Sixty-one years ago this coming Sunday, my cousin John asked if I wanted to go fishing in the irrigation canal. This is a canal that carries water from the Descutes River near Bend down about 40 miles to Madras. I don't know what they do with the water when it gets there; flood Madras with it, I guess. It's a pretty crappy town. Then when all you can see of Madras is a couple of church steeples they turn off the water for the year, and that's when it's the right time to go fishing in the canal.

So John and I took collected our tackle. Mine was a .30-.30 rifle and his was a 16-gauge shotgun. See what happpens is that when they turn off the water, some of it remains in little potholes. And in some of these potholes you will see rainbow trout living out their days.

We would fire into the potholes hoping to stun the fish, make 'em rise to the top of the water and we'd scoop 'em out. Unfortunately for me, my rifle didn't provide adequate concussive power. But John caught a fish with every shot. He must have gotten 8 or 10 12-14-inch rainbows and browns.

When we got back to his place later, his Mom wouldn't give me any of the fish. I hope they was loaded with mercury.