She's Got Zits on Her But I Love Her

Have you seen this gem? A little old lady is caught snoozing at a crosswalk. Too bad about the wake-up toot. I love YouTube.

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Dear Hoss:

My wife has these terrible zits on her back. When we're making love my fingers inevitably touch one or more of these dudes, which gives me the willy-nillys. Is there anything that would get rid of these zits? --Nillied in Nullsville.

Dear Nillied:

Battery acid, acetylene torch and a cold chisel all work good on zits. Or, you could cut off your hands.

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This is supposed to be an American experiment. Fascinating, although I don't know what it's supposed to prove. Maybe that you can atomize an airplane if you do it right....

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Dear Hoss:

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called "rush hour"? --Bemused in Bimini.

Dear Bummed:

I think it's because that's when Limbaugh is on. Maybe not.

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A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man, standing alone. She approached him and said, "Hi, my name is Carmen."

"That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?"

"No," she said. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most -- cars and men. What's your name?"

He said, "Bob Titsenbeer."

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My favorite phrase today is floppy disc. N., they don't flop 'em like they used to. Def.: What you get from carrying in the Sunday newspaper.