Two gems from my buddy, Paul Nichols:
Lawyer to witness: "All your responses have to be oral, okay? So, where did you go to school?"
Witness: "Oral."
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Harry praised Big Ernie for letting him die peacefully, not like those screaming passengers in the rear seat.
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Sam the Bellhop was a merry old soul. He has this tale of the cards that is hard to fathom. At least, he unfathomed me. Go take a peek.
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A prize-winner in the Bulwer-Lytton contest (an award for the worst start to a novel):
"A par on the first hole would clinch the U.S. Open for the in-form Tiger Woods but, in truth, this mattered little to Herbert Cruddle as a gigantic wave swept him over the side of the floundering shrimp trawler."
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I had the toughest time of my life when I was a senior in high school. First I got angina pectoris, and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and appendicitis, followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. Then, I don't know, there was diabetes, rheumatism and neuritis. I don't know how I pulled through it. Just let me tell you it was the hardest spelling test I've ever had.
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My favorite word today (via Miss Cellania) is skeptic tank. N., sort of like a swimming pool. Def.: A militarized army vehicle filled with disbelievers.
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