No, It Wasn't the Dog Food

When a mechanic works hard, he can pay his bills and feed his kids, no?

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I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my dogs and was in this line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.....

Duh! I was feeling a bit crabby, so I told her:

"No," I said. "I am starting the Purina diet once again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time -- although I had lost about 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms."

While her eyes began to bulge out of her head, I went on. "Actually, the Purina diet is really inexpensive. What you do is you load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package says the food is nutritionally complete, so I am going to try it again."

Horrified, she found her voice. "Did something in the dog food poison you and that's why you landed in the hospital?"

I said, "No. I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt when a car hit me."

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So a woman goes to the medical office where she was seen by a young new doctor. After about four minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant.

She burst out screaming and ran down the hallway. An old doctor found her and asked what the problem was. She told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.

The doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Smith is 59 and she has four grown children, seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

The new doctor continued writing on his clipboard and, without looking up, said "Does she still have the hiccups?"

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My favorite phrase today is log on. V., one of them nautical doohickeys. Def.: Making the stove hotter.