This clipping (you will need to click on it to make it bigger) is apropos of something: My girl friend, former wife Scamp. See, we have His and Her TVs, so she came roaring in from visiting Hers."Gene, Gene, you missed this!" she emphatically announced. "They've found (this is the ubiquitous 'they') that Viagra will reduce jet lag 40 percent. They checked hamsters for this and it's true. I wonder where they got the hamsters?" (Ans: See the news clip above.)
Not finished, she announces "Oh, that reminds me. There is this guy (the ubiquitous guy) who has spent 20 years training mice to ride surfboards. He makes waves in this little tank about 12 inches deep and they ride and ride, all day."
"What," I ask, "does this scientist hope to prove?"
"Prove?" Scamp asks. "Isn't it obvious? Mice can ride surfboards. Boy, you are thick."
She turns to go, but rebounds. "One other thing. Somebody had some rats in a lab and when the testing was done they had all these rats left over and didn't know what to do with them."
"So," I said, "probably they drowned them. That's a pretty nice way to go, I'm told."
"Oh, no. Don't be silly," she said. "There was this lady (ubiquitous, again) who knew all about rats and she took them home and they run all over the house. She even sleeps with them."
"Is that it?" I asked. "Can I now watch the rest of the ball game?"
"So watch," she responded. "I guess you don't want to know about what happens when she feeds them some Viagra."
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My favorite word today is commencemint. N., who was summa cum lousy? Def.: An event at which green creme de menthe is served.
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