George Will Catch Up Someday, Maybe

Laura Bush bought George W. a parrot for his birthday. She told Dick Cheney, "The bird is so smart, George has already taught him to pronounced more than 200 words."

"Wow! That's impressive," Cheney replied. "But you do realize he just says the words; he doesn't really understand what they mean."

"That's okay," Laura says. "Neither does George."

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There's an answer to everything. Check this one.

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In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22-year-old white male, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. 12/17/2007.

Lawrence said he was getting horny on his way home, so he pulled over next to a pumpkin patch. He picked one out he thought suitable for his purpose, cut a hole in it and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." In the process, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car was swas unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him.

Officer Taylor said to him, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize you are having sex with a pumpkin?"

He froze, and was clearly surprised that the officer was there. He looked her straight in the eye and said, "A pumpkin?!? Shit....is it midnight already?"

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My favorite word today is acupuncture. N., how they knit in Chinatown. Def.: A jab well done.