Everybody onto the Short Bus

It was visitors' day at the lunatics' asylum.  All the patients were standing out in the courtyard singing "Ave Maria," and singing it beautifully.  Oddly, each of them was holding a red apple in one hand and tapping it rhythmically with a pencil.

A visitor listened in wonderment to the performance and then approached the conductor.  "I am a retired choir director," he said.  "This is one of the best choirs I have ever heard."

"Yes," replied the conductor, "I'm very proud of them."

"You should take them on tour," said the visitor.  "What are they called?"

"In the beginning this was a big problem," said the conductor.  "One inmate wanted to call them 'The Big Apple With Little Brown Seeds Singing Sons of Siam.'  But I told them it was too long a name, and none of them was from Siam, besides.  Another thought 'The Pencil Leads' was a pretty good name but the others disagreed because they had no one to write to."

"Well," the visitor asked, "what name did they finally agree on?"

"I thought it was obvious," said the conductor.  "They all agreed to call themselves.....

......The Moron Tapanapple Choir."

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Maxine's Slide Down the Banister of Life:

1.  Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book.  It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."

2.  The difference between the Pope and your boss is that the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

3.  My mind works like lightning.  One brilliant flash and it's gone.

4.  The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

5.  It used to be only death and taxes.  Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.

6.  A transvestite is a guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

7.  My next house will have no kitchen -- just vending machines and a large trash can.

8.  A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off.  I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."

9.  Definition of a teenager?  God's punishment for enjoying sex.

10. As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.

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My favorite word today is husband.  N., a useful little thing.  Def.:  Someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.