I just read an article on the dangers of heavy drinking.
It scared the crap out of me.
So that's it!
After today, no more reading.......
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Three women: one engaged, one married and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men. That night, all three will wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes. A few days pass, and they meet up for lunch.
The engaged woman: The other night when my fiancee came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, "You are the woman of my life. I love you." And we made love all night long.
The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes, and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he couldn't say a word -- but we made wild sex all night.
The married woman: I sent the kids to stay at my mother's house for the night. When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me, he said, "What's for dinner, Batman?"
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I was outside admiring the flowers when the neighbor lady approached, church bulletin in hand. "Gene," she said, "you should come to church Sunday. The pastor's topic is going to be 'Jesus Walks on Water.'"
"Uh...I don't think I can make it this Sunday. What's the topic for the following Sunday?"
"Searching for Jesus," she said.
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The telephone poll taken by the Texas Governor's office asked whether people who live in Texas think illegal immigration is a serious problem.
Twenty-nine percent answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem."
Seventy-one percent answered: "No es una problema seriosa."
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My favorite phrase today is Law of the Theater. N., hot damn! Clark Gable is in this one. Def.: At any movie, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
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