This picture, above, was taken recently on the Idaho-Washington border. It's pretty pretty. The picture below, also taken on the Ida-Wash. border is termed "the rarest of all naturally occurring atmospheric phenomena." It was visible for about an hour, says my buddy, Richard.
He adds, "Clouds have to be cirrus, at least 20 kilometers in the air, with just the right amount of ice crystals, and the sun has to hit the clouds at precisely 58 degrees." Gee, I didn't know the sun knew about angles.
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Hey, look, Vicki hasn't gone away yet:
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the Governor's Mansion in Springfield, Ill. One is from Chicago, another from Tennessee and a third from Kentucky. They all go with Governor Blagojevich to examine the fence.
The Tennessee contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figuring with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."
The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring and then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."
The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure. He just leans over to Blagojevich and whispers $2,700. Blagojevich, incredulous, whispers back, "You didn't even measure and figure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The Chicago contractor whispers again, "$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and we hire that guy from Kentucky to fix the fence."
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A duck hunter was out enjoying a nice morning on the marsh when he decided to take a leak. He walked over to a tree and propped up the gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over and discharged, shooting him in the genitals. Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.
"Well, sir," the doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be okay. There was little internal damage and we were able to remove all of the buckshot. The bad news is there was some pretty extensive damage done to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my brother."
"Oh, well, that's not too bad," the man replied. "Is your brother a plastic surgeon?"
"Not exactly," answered the doctor. "He's a flute player in the local symphony. He's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye."
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My favorite word today is change. N., what comes after a dirty diaper. Def.: Something you get from Obama but not from a vending machine.
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