Soo-ey! Soo-ey!! Pig-Pig-Pig....

I finally ran into ol' Feelgood Haines the other day.  He tells me he has bought hisself one of them little, pot-belly pigs.  For no good reason, he says -- it's just because hardly anyone else has got one.  He says its name is "Stinky" when he's out playing in the yard, but he calls it "Ballpoint" when its in the sty.

I asked him, "How come and why do you need two different names for one lousy pig?"

"That's easy," he says with a mischievous grin.  "Ballpoint is just his pen name."

(Oh boy, did he cackle and chortle at that one....)

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Eve's Side of the Story

Big Ernie came to visit Eve after she had spent her first 3 weeks in the Garden of Eden.
"S, how is everything going?" he inquired.

"It's all so beautiful, Ern," Eve replied.  "The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights -- everything is so wonderful, but I have just one problem.  It's these breasts you gave me.  The middle one pushes the other two outward, and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches, and snagging them on bushes.  They're a real pain," she reported.

Eve went on to tell Ernie that since many other parts of her body came in pairs -- such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. -- she felt having only two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced."

"That's a fair point," replied Ern.  "But it was my first shot at this, you know.  I gave animals six breasts, so I figured you might need about half as many.  But I see you were right and I will fix it up right away."  Ernie reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the beaches.

Three weeks went by and Ernie once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.  "Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?"

"Just fantastic," she said, "except for one oversight.  You see, all the animals are paired off.  The ewe has a ram and a cow has a bull.  All animals have a mate except me.  I feel so alone."

Ernie thought for a minute and said, "You know, Eve, you are right.  How could I have overlooked this?  You do need a mate, and I will immediately create a man from a part of you.  Now, let's see....where did I put that useless boob?"

(Now, then, doesn't that make more sense than that crap about the rib?)

(My thanks for this tome to my buddy Vicki.)

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My favorite word today is sects.  N., some of those guys over there, and some of these guys over here.  Def.:  Don't join dangerous cults:  Practice safe sects!