Where Civilization Might End

This woman was invited out the other night for some "fun with the girls. "

She told her husband she would be home by midnight. Well, the hours passed and the champagne was going down really smooth. About 3 a.m., drunk as a skunk, she headed for home.

Just as she got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed three times. Quickly, realizing he'd probably he'd probably wake up, she cuckooed another nine times. She was really proud of herself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

The next morning her husband asked her what time I got in and she told him "about 12 o'clock" and he didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When she asked him why, he said, "Well last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit,' cuckooed four more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled twice more and then tripped over the cat and farted."

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A priest (the head honcho who was often in demand at political events) was being honored after 25 years in the parish. However, he was delayed so his second-in-command, decided to say a few words while everyone waited.

"I got a bad impression from the very first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me had stolen a television and, when questioned by police, was able to lie his way out of it. He went on to say he had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister.  I was appalled.

"But, he continued, "as the days went by I learned that all people were not like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."  Just as the father finished his talk, the politician arrived and apologized for being late. He then immediately began his presentation.

"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician-priest.  "In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession."

(Moral :  Never.  Never.  Never be late.)

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 My favorite word today is religion.  N., you hear of it here.  Often.  Def.:  What cannibals sometimes get a taste of from missionaries.