This Is Not Good

Here's why I don't get along with the phone company:

If I went into a Dollar Store and said, "Gimme some of them cheap condoms which I can make into water balloons on account of condoms don't do me any good because my prostate is gone," they would hand me some cheap condoms and take my dollar.

But if I say to the phone company, "Gimme one of those services you advertise," they are going to say, "Screw you, buster." And they probably wouldn't even use a condom.

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Please notice I did not use the "F" word. But do you know how to get a sweet 80-year-old lady to use the "F" word? Have another sweet 80-year-old lady yell "Bingo!"

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My favorite word today is clammy. Adj., cockle, razor, blue, quahog. Def.: How you feel after drying off at the swimming hole when all the dry towels have been used.

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(I'm at my daughter's house again. As close as I can tell, I won't have a line to the Internet until sometime Thursday. Poor Hoss.)