Three Cheers for the Red, White and Hoss

If there is anything that Ol' Hoss is (and there is) it's patriotic. When the "USA, USA" chant goes up, I bleed red, white and blue (blue blood is only if I'm in New England). So when Dubya says we need to be spyin' on one another because there is a terrrist under every bush (entendre intended), Ol' Hoss volunteered.

While everybody here in the home for the Ancient Wrinkled was at lunch, I went to all their rooms and reversed the peephole lenses. That way, I can stand in the hall and see everything that they're doing. So, soon after lunch I went on hall patrol to see who in The Home might be plotting against our country.

First off I peered through the lens into the room of Feelgood Haines, the house historian. This was just for practice, for I knowed Ol' Feelgood is above reproach, patriotic-wise. But you know what I saw? Feelgood is writin' a book; the title is "The Menu Man: Torture by Tofu in Abu Gharib." Well, Dubya is gonna wanna hear about this. One of our Americans is squealin' about the CIA's second-favorite form of torture. (The favorite form is tapes of Milton Berle.)

Then I went on to spy in the room of Candy Lander. She has got a whole raft of Texas State Patrol uniforms in there, and she is switching the labels from "Made in China'" to "Made in Crawford, Tex." Duplicity!! Dubya will be so proud.

Well, let's see if we can trust Bernard Trustworthy. The spy-peep shows him playin' with his GI Joe toys. And, yeah, he's got the usual alignment: On the left side there is the "Dick Cheney Drink It Straight Like I Am Regiment," and on the right side is the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell Regiment." Dubya is going to be peeved to learn that all the medal winners are on the right side.

I go up to the top floor to peek in on Gondola Price. And what do we see here? She's at work on a needlepoint doily, with a slogan in the middle. The slogan reads: "Bring the Boys Home Now." That makes this woman a major threat to The American Way, and I will be askin' George W. to get a missile into room 310 post haste.

+ + + + + + + +

My favorite word today is service. N., when the tea and crumpets are delivered. Def.: What the telephone company provided when human beings worked there.

(Yes, I am still posting from my daughter's house. Maybe from Hoss's place on Wednesday. We shall hope so.)