Getting It on With Hoss

Dear Hoss:

Thank you for setting up this system that allows us to get answers to our questions. I know you will be fair dinkum, and all that, in giving us advice.

What I'm wondering is: My husband just generally ignores me all day, and, especially, all night. He says he loves me, but he is often gone for two-three days at a time and comes home smelling of (can I say it?) (oh, I can't say it) you know....

So, my question is, does all sex smell the same? Or is yours different?

Anxiously,

Biddie in Kansas City

Dear Biddie: Thanks for writing. I don't know what you're talking about. Get a life.

Dear Hoss:

This is really important, but I know you can help me because you're so reincarnationable. Is it "Knit two, purl one," or "Knit one, purl two"? I just know you can help because you are so knittable.

Not the Ho in Idaho

Dear Not: Did you know they hanged Mussolini upside down?

Dear Hoss:

Now that Halloween is approaching, I need your advice. Which costumes will be in vogue this year: Witches, ghosts, dogs or dung beetles? Please answer soon because I am pretty slow at patchwork.

Slow in Kokomo

Dear Slow:

I have always gone with dung beetles. Ain't that the shits?

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Dear Hoss:

I am one of the few people who know you personally. I was impressed by your yoganistics and also shoulders. So my question is right on point: Does Jack LaLanne know about you?

Hammy in Miami

Dear Hammy:

I don't know Jack.

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My favorite phrase today is salmon day. N., endanger them species. Def.: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.