It Is Costly to Be a Geek

My local newspaper had this theft report: Sept. 28, 6:20 p.m., 25400 block, 95th Avenue -- A $1,400 laptop computer, $200 external hard drive, $280 iPod, $150 headphones, $1,000 in computer programs, $350 digital camera and other items were reported stolen from a business van.

Just think about this. Fifteen or 20 years ago the guy who lost all this stuff wouldn't have had any of it. That's what is meant by "the good old days." Also, scientists say this is "too bad."

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Are you feeling witty today? Here's a cartoon without a caption. Its purpose is to invite YOU to write a caption in the comments. And there is a Grand Prize: a University of Oregon sweatshirt. Put on your laugh cap and think away. You know whom will be the lonesome judge.

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Here are some advisories for living the good life:

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Have you noticed that since everyone has a camcorder these days, no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out"?

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room so you can get undressed if he's going to look up there anyway?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Also, remember this: A good friend is like a good bra; hard to find, supportive, comfortable and always close to your heart.

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My favorite word today is Bernadette. N., a.k.a. Bonnie.
Def.: The act of torching a mortgage.