A Cajun walks into a bar with his pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar, then turns to the astonished patrons.
"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. Then he'll open his mouth, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this event, each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd roared their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his Johnson and related parts in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth, and the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals, unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."
A hush fell over the crowd. After awhile, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde woman spoke up: "I'll try it. Just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle."
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Now, then, you know Ol' Hoss is into "cute," way way into it. If'n you don't believe, take a look at this dance.
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Today started off badly for Sam. His alarm clock was off by 30 minutes, which made him run late. Then the coffee maker was on the fritz so he had to heat some water and drink a cup if instant. So he's in a bit of a hurry on the way to work and ended up rear-ending a car.
He knew it was going to be a REALLY bad day when the driver got out of the other car and he was a dwarf!
The dwarf looked up at Sam and said, "I am NOT happy!"
So Sam said, "Well, which one are you, then?"
That's how the fight started.
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My favorite word today is jolly. Adj., maybe he was Dopey? Def.: How Santa feels because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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