Speed Is Only Good for Speed

A C-130 freight airplane was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 pilot flashed by. The jet jockey decided to show off.

The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, "Watch this!" -- and he promptly went into a barrel role, followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier. The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that.

The C-130 pilot said, "That was impressive. But watch this!"

The C-130 droned on for about 5 minutes and then the C-130 pilot came back on the radio and said, "What did you think of that?"

Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, "What the hell did you do?"

The C-130 pilot chuckled and said, "I stood up, stretched my legs, walked to the back, went to the bathroom, then got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon bun."

(When you're young and foolish, speed and flash may seem a good thing. When you get older and smarter, comfort and dull is not such a bad thing!)

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A clever way to shut her up.

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Snow White received a digital camera as a gift. So she took pictures of the dwarfs and the forest creatures and she quickly filled her memory card.

She didn't have a printer, so she took the card to a store to have the photos printed.

She returned a few days later and was told there had been a malfunction and her prints would be late. Snow White was so disappointed that she wept.

The store clerk tried to console her, saying, "Don't worry. Someday your prints will come."

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My favorite word today is garnish. N., do I have to eat this? Def.: What they always do to the parsley farmer.