We Pick the Oscar Winner

A few of us are sitting in the fireside room talking about the movies nominated for Oscar winner as "Best Picture." We don't have a lot of clues, since none of us has seen any of the movies. Anything that lasts more than an hour does serious damage to naptime. But we talk about them anyways. You can hear a lot by listening. Here's what we think:

"THE AVIATOR"
Nellie Nervous: "Oh, I remember this one; I think it's about Buck Rogers, or Smilin' Jack."
Carolina Sister: "You're confused, as always. This is about Charles Lindbergh and his airplane, the 'Spirit of 76 Trombones.'"

"FINDING NEVERLAND"
Hazel Nutt: "I think I saw this one. It's about that Kansas girl who got lost on a yellow brick road. Yellow was never my favorite color."
Carolina Sister: "Can't you people get anything right? This is about the girl who went down a rathole and got mixed up with a horny rabbit."

"RAY"
Gluten Derriere: "Well, I think that Ray Romano should get every prize there ever was. He's so cute."
Gretchen Howcome: "No, no, you fool. This movie is about Oregon's own Johnny Ray. Oh, goodness, my mascara runs clear down to my wattle when he sings that song 'Cry.'"

"MILLION DOLLAR BABY"
Rudy Longfellow: "Why is everything about Paris Hilton? I don't know if I'd vote for somebody who makes sex movies. She's probably not very good in bed, either. There's nothing to get ahold of."
Carolina Sister: "I thought this was another Lindbergh movie, about the kidnapping."

"SIDEWAYS"
Clarence Bellyful: "I wish I had seen this. It's about Minnesota Fats and how he could make a cue ball curve every which way from Sunday."
Rudy Longfellow: "Are you sure this isn't about Paris Hilton and how she's getting it every which way but sideways?"

AND THE WINNER IS:
"The Never-Ending Sideways Flight of a Million Dollar Ray of Sunshine."