You're So Lucky

Welcome again to the Land of Nod-off. Because you, my few readers, have been so faithful, today I am going to Make You Rich.

You see, we in the Old Folks' Home are about to be joined, in droves, by the Baby Boomers. There are zillions of them, and they will all need services associated with being old. So here, with my compliments, are Ideas for Investments to Make You Rich.

1. Prunes. Invest in a plum farm (whence come prunes). Prune juice is drunk by the gallons by we Ancients whose regularity has become irregular. (Try the Chicago commodities market, under "Shit Futures.")

2. Trees. Toilet paper is made from trees. Because there are so many Boomers we will need enough toilet paper to stretch from here to the next galaxy over -- and back! Your prune sales will make this product ever more necessary. (Don't tell me getting wiped is bad.)

3. Toilets. It probably will be necessary to put TWO toilets in every apartment in Old Folks' Homes, since one of them is almost sure to be always busy. This will be driven by prune sales. (Invest soon, and be flushed with success.)

Well, that's it for today. This has been hard work. I am pooped.