How-de Doo From the Boondocks

I will soon get this out of my system. But I just had to do a talkie (or two; I got one in reserve). I think this works better than singin', but you'll be the judges of that. Actual, this Singshot thing is kinda addictive, ifn u likes country music. (I suppose it would be addictive just as well if you was into rap and cocaine; I don't know.) Anyway, here 'tis, Down in the Boondocks.

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I was at the mall the other day eatin' at the food court. There was this teenager sittin' next to me who looked sorta weird. He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange and blue.

I couldn't help but stare. The teenager noticed this, and every time he turned my way he could see I was ogling him. So he asked, in a sarcastic way, "What's the matter, old man? Never done anything wild in your life?"

I didn't bat an eye. And I said, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wonderin' if you was my son."

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This guy's wife only has sex with him for a purpose. Last night she used him to time an egg.

A girl phoned and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home." He went over. Nobody was home.

His wife is such a bad cook that in their house they pray after the meal.

His wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called him from Chicago last night.

He was making love to this girl and she started crying. He said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" And she said, "No, I hate myself now."

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My favorite word today is barium. N., I got mine in a mine. Def.: What doctors do with patients who die.