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Okay, here's one more song. Only it ain't a song the way I do it. It's more like a poem. And it's really good because ain't nobody as good at poetry as I is. I don't need to tell you to enjoy this, 'cause I know it's inevitable.
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I has begun gardening. Actually, I started on March 17 because that's what the experts say is good time in my zone, which I don't know what number it is -- 7? 9?
I now has got tomatoes making a true leaf -- hah! Bet you don't!
And I has got cantaloupe and squash and basil and just barely, some "Chinese Lanterns," whatever they is. Scamp said I had to grow some. Geezus they are slow; better be worth it.
My watermelon is not up yet. You got any tips for growin' watermelon? (Yeah, yeah, I know about sunshine. Asswipe....)
Anyway, what I want is some good watermelon so's I can make watermelon wine. Why wouldn't I?
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Here's the 20-40-60 Rule:
When you're 20, you are obsessed with what everyone is thinking about you; when you're 40, you stop caring about what people think about you; when you're 60, you realize that no one was ever thinking about you.
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A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.
"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten it, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding cake."
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My favorite word today is flatulence. N., great word if you don't wanna say fart. Def.: Emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
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