Accchmed the Dead Terrist

Click here for a dose of Achmed, the dead terrorist. Or not. I mean, if you don't like humor.....

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Ol' Achmed will take you about 10 minutes to gather it all in, so the rest of this post will be of the short-end variety. Like.....

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Scientists have announced that we have made contact with an alien race. Their planet consists of a gigantic shopping center. The skeptical scientists didn't believe it at first. How could this be. But, after tremendous amounts of research, they have confirmed.....
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...that it's a mall world after all.

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"Forgive me father for I have sinned," a woman said in the confessional. "Last night my boyfriend made mad, passionate love to me seven times."

The priest though for a minute and said "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass, then drink the juice."

The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"

"No," said the priest, "but it will wipe that smile off your face."

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"When I'm gone I want you to marry our neighbor," a man on his deathbead said to his wife.

"Why our neighbor?" his wife asked. "You've hated him all your life."

"Still do," gasped the husband.

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My favorite word today is floppy. N., they make these anymore? Def.: When you run out of Polygrip.