A calm and respectable lady went to the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight in his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license. They'll throw both of us in jail. All kinds of bad things can happen. Absolutely not! You cannot buy any cyanide."
The lady reaches into her purse and pulls out a picture of her husband and the pharmacist's wife in bed.
The pharmacist looked at the picture, and said, "Well, now. That's different. You didn't say you had a prescription."
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The Right Wing TV Preacher was in the shower. Although he is very strict about the one man-one woman rules, he occasionally felt the need to exercise the right wrist, and this was one of those occasions. Just as he reached a climax, he saw a photographer taking a picture of his sanctimonious seed flying through the air.
"Hold on a minute," said the Preacher. "You can't print that. You'll destroy the reputation of my TV Church."
"This is my lottery win," said the photographer. "I'll be financially secure for life."
So the Preacher offered the buy the camera. After lots of negotiation, they eventually arrived at a price of two million dollars.
The Preacher then dried himself off, dressed, and headed off with his new camera. He met his housekeeper, who spotted the camera.
"That looks like a really good camera," she said. "How much did it cost you?"
"Two million dollars," said the Preacher.
"Two million dollars!!" said the housekeeper. "They must have seen you coming."
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My favorite phrase today is poultry in motion. Adj., which came first? Def.: The chicken crossing the road.
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