When the husband and wife arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up their new car, they were told the keys had been locked in it. They went to the service shop where they found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As the husband watched from the passenger side, he tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
"Hey," he announced to the mechanic, "it's open."
"Yeah," says the mechanic, "I already got that side."
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Students in an advanced biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was: "Name seven advantages of 'Mother's Milk.'"
One student, who partied late the night before, was frustrated to think of even four or five. After pondering the question the student began to work. He wrote:
1. It is a perfect formula for the child.
2. It provides immunity against several diseases.
3. It is always at the right temperature.
4. It is inexpensive.
5. It bonds the child to the mother.
6. It is always available as needed.
And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote hurriedly:
7. It comes in such cute containers.
Worth an "A," don't you think?
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Idiot Alert No. 2
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was supposed to do. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded: "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"
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My favorite word today is binoculars. N., lookin' cool, dude. People pay big money to go to the top of tall buildings so they can look through their binoculars at things on the ground.
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