Ain't She Sweet?

The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

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Have I told you the story about Halloween and me, two days early? Aw, hell, I'm going to tell it again.

I was leaving the grocery store where my Mom worked and suddenly I had the pangs of hunger. You know how 9-year-olds can be. It was two days before Halloween, so what the hey? I knocked on the door of the closest house and when it was answered I said, "Trick or Treat!" (I may have yelled it.)

The lady of the house says, "This isn't Halloween." And I said, "I know, but I'm hungry? You got any cookies?"

She sort of giggled, and went and got me a cookie. I was a cute little bugger. But to be on the safe side, I gave her house a pass when Halloween actually did arrive.

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Do you remember Achmed?

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A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young Mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You have even named your daughter 'Candy'."

He turned to the second Mom, Ann. "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, 'Penny'."

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce. "Your obsession is with alcohol. This shows, too, in your child's name, 'Brandy'."

At this point, the fourth Mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick. This guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's go pick up Peter and Willy from school and get dinner."

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My favorite word today is atheist. N., is this where you reincarnate? Def.: This is a guy who has nothing to say when he's having an orgasm.