"What Do You Mean 'We,' White Man?"

A major dilemma in Northern California.

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A man boarded an airplane and took his seat.  As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.  He soon realized she was headed straight for him.  And as fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.  Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out:  "Business trip, or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business.  I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Chicago."

He swallowed hard.  Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen, sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.  Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked her, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded.  "I use information that I have learned from my personal experience in debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said.  "And what kinds of myths are there?"

"Well," she  began to explain, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.  Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.  I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.  "I'm sorry," she said.  "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you.  I don't even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said.  "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."

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Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

"Eight," the boy replied.

The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"

The boy said, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me.  They're for him, my brother.  He's four.  We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike.  Right now, he can't do either one."

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And then there is this mime who had a show to put on in front of a large audience.  Unfortunately, he developed a bad cough the day before his show.  This simply wouldn't do for a mime.

So he went to the local health food store and asked for something for his cough.  The clerk suggested that he make thyme tea, and to put a cinnamon stick in it.  Surprisingly, the concoction worked, from which we get the expression:

"A stick in thyme saves mime."

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My favorite word today is unity.  N., as in the Unity States of America.  Def.:  The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.