The Back of Me Hand to Ya

(I am guest posting for awhile over at Tisha Sharp's place, which you find here. Never seen before stuff. Well, at least not by me.)

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I got some Clinton stuff that needs cleaning up. Good stuff, too.

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"Dear Abby:

"My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and when I confront him, he denies everthing. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job six years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around, and shoot the bull with his buddies, while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me, and even hints that I may be a lesbian. What should I do?

"Signed: Clueless:

"Dear Clueless:

"Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman! You don't need him anymore! You're a Senator from New York running for President of the United States.

"Act like one."

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Bill may not have a real job. But Dave Letterman has someone much like Bill running an Escort Service.

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Hillary was sworn in as President. She has disposed of Bill and is spending her first night alone in the White House. She has waited several years for this.

First Night: Suddenly, the ghost of George Washington appears to her. Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"

Washington says, "Never tell a lie."

"Ouch," says Hillary. "I don't know about that."

Second Night: The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears. Hillary asks, "How can I best serve my country?"

Jefferson says, "Listen to the people."

Hillary responds, "Oooo, I really don't want to do that. What do they know?"

Third Night: On the next night, the ghost of Abraham Lincoln appears before her. Hillary says, "How best can I serve my country?"

Lincoln says, "Go to the theater!"

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My favorite word today is chickens. N., stop squawking; you never had it so good. Def.: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.