Who Was That Masked Fella?

I am here in Northeast Oregon, spyin' the grounds. Kid Relish* is over yonder, about 45 degrees and 500 (700?) feet away. What we're spyin' is she-wolves.

First, though, we have to consider the enviro: It is f**king cold. And I don't know how I am gonna get out of bein' cold without shuckin' out some blankets. So, I do. Except Kid Relish doesn't. He just stays more or less bare-ass naked. Which brings us back to where it all began. If anybody cares. Try this:

Some yahoo decided to reintroduce wolves into the Yewnited States, over in Yellowstone, where they had been shot out of. So they did, and, wolves being wolves, they made more wolves, and these wolves started migratin' here and there and first thing you know they is in Oregon.

Kid Relish then called Ol' Hoss and says: "Wanna shoot some wolves?"

So, shit, as they say: We are up to our armpits in quandaries: Shoot wolves? I have never seen a wolf, much less drawed down on one. So, I said, "Sure."

We get some snowshoes and some .30-.06 rifles and head out to Northeast Oregon.

Wasted trip. Oh, we got out there okay, but it still was a bust. First wolves we saw ate Kid Relish and I didn't stick around to see who got his snowshoes. So it goes.

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My doctor wanted me to take these pills made out of seashells. Abalone; mother of pearl; nacre; all that shit. Said it would be good for calcifying my boners bones.

So I did. Now I am pissing pearls. Kid Relish (somehow he got away) says he'll make me a tiara, which would be fine except I ain't no girlie girlie. No, not me. I shoot wolves, remember? Real he-fella.

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My favorite word today is adult. N., at least 18, maybe 21. Def.: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

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(*Kid Relish was invented by Latigo Flint, a b**gger who has disappeared from view, and we are all poorer for it.)