So, this working woman called the range repairman and made her plea."My stove doesn't work, and I want you to fix it. I won't be here, but I will leave the key under the mat. Leave your bill on the counter and I'll send you a check.
"One last thing: I have a big dog, named Boris, but don't worry about it. Just do not talk to my parrot. I repeat: DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!"
The repairman shows up and sees this big, ugly dog. But, true to her word, the dog just lies there, watching the repairman go about his work.
It is different with the parrot, however. All the time the repairman is there, the parrot assaults him with vile language, calls him stupid, and never shuts up. The repairman finally can't stand it, and shouts: "Shut up, you stupid bird!"
The parrot: "Sic him, Boris."
(Honestly, I sometimes forget where I get this stuff. Except Bonnie sent me these next ones, which I had to change slightly because accordions are a lot funnier than cellos.)
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A noted comic was flying to Atlanta. He told his seatmate: "I've got a great accordion joke. Want to hear it?"
Seatmate: "I should warn you: I'm an accordionist."
Comic: "That's okay. I'll tell it really slow."
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Q: Why should you not drive off a cliff with three accordions in a minivan?
A: You had room for one more.
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My favorite word today is man. N., Casper Milquetoast. Def.: At the end of a tough week, Big Ernie was really tired when he made this thing.
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