Of Course There's Something Wrong

Ma came in the house and yelled, "Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse." He says, "There ain't nothin' wrong with the outhouse." Ma yells back, "Yes there is! Now get out there and fix it!"

So Pa moseys out to the outhouse, looks around, and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nothin' wrong with the outhouse!" She replied, "Stick yer head in the hole." To which Pa responded, "I ain't stickin' my head in the hole." But she insists: "You gotta stick yer head in the hole to see what's wrong."

So now, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around, and yells to Ma, "There ain't nothin' wrong with this outhouse, I tell ya." "Now," she yells back, "take yer head outta the hole!"

Pat proceeds to back out of the hole, but then starts yellin', "Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"

To which Ma replies, "Hurts, don't it?"

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Big Ernie addresses Al Gore first. "Al, what do you believe?"

Gore replies: "Well, I believe I won that election, but that it was Your will that I not serve. And I've come to understand that now."

Ernie thinks for a minute and says, "I admire your humility. Come sit at my left."

Big Ern then addresses Bill Clinton. "Bill, what do you believe?"

Clinton replies: "I believe in forgiveness. I've sinned, but I've never held a grudge against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me."

Ernie thinks this over, then says, "You are forgiven, my son. Come sit at my right."

And then Big Ernie calls on George W. Bush. "George, what do you believe?"

Bush says, "I believe you're in my chair."

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My favorite word today is intaxication. Adj., oh giddy hoo ho. Def.: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.