So Long, Baldie

The government today announced that it is changing the country's emblem from a Bald-Headed Eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed. It does not eat carrion. They got Cheney for that.

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I have been much too nice to you women of late. Not that you don't deserve it, but still.... So, this little cartoon and this little story:A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV and said to his wife: "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts." She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer before it starts."

This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer anyway. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, get me another beer before it starts."

"That's it!" She blows her top. "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave getting you beer after beer. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"

The husband sighed, and said, "Oh, shit. It started."

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My favorite word today is shuffle. Adj., "Walk like this." Def.: An awkward walk used by two people in a hurry accidentally getting into the same segment of a revolving door.