Oh, I Remember That One

At first, I thought this was a picture of the star of this piece, Jimmy Whetlip. But maybe it isn't...

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A b**gger friend of mine was doing some reminisce t'other day and had come across an old entry of mine which she thought was pretty good. And so it was:

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Jimmy Whetlip is sort of new here in The Manor of the Old Folks Bred, so I don't know much about him. I DO know he's one of those exacting kinds of guys -- you know, "My piece of pie is littler than his piece of pie." "My room is one square foot less than you advertised."

So it didn't surprise me none to see him parked at the gas pumps arguing with the attendant. I parked at another pump and went over to see what was the hassle.

Jimmy to the Attendant: "No, I want exact change."

Attendant: "I can't make exact change. The U.S. Mint did not make any mills yet."

Hoss: "Hi, Jimmy, S-up?"

Jimmy: "I drove in here and asked for exactly one gallon of gasoline, which costs $2.89 9/10. I am offering him full price when he can make change."

Hoss: "Uh, Jimmy, there ain't no one-mill coins.'

Jimmy: "Then how come they advertise in mills? Nine/tenths is nine mills. Ten mills is a penny. I want what's mine, and what I want is one mill in change. And I'm going to sit here till I get it."

Well, you know what happened after that. More of us came to realize he was In the Right, and we all ordered one gallon of gas, just on principle. So, at first there was a hot dog stand. Then a full-blown 7-11 store came in. Starbucks built on the corner, a bank came in, a bed and breakfast, GI Joe's with their sleeping bags, a mattress store, a dirty book store, hookers, drifters, crackheads and cops -- pretty soon it was just a normal American neighborhood.

My car's still down there. I notice the service station attendant is getting a little long in the tooth.

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My favorite word today is pomeranian. N., animal about the size of a rat. Def.: A small dog that resembles a throw rug and appears to be dead.