Feelgood Wants Me to Feel Not Good

As I told you earlier, when I moved out of The Old Folks Home, Feelgood Haines came right along, taking a room right down the road from me. He is determined to see me through to the end (him not realizing that, for me, there will be no End, just a New Beginning).

Feelgood: "That just ain't right, Hoss, you messin' around with young women."

Hoss: "You talking about Scamp, you buttcrack? She ain't young no more, just pretty."

Feelgood: "Eight years can make a big difference, which is how much older you are than her. And there you are, your lungs shot through with emphysema, your prostate is gone, your appendix is gone, you've had a heart attack and for all I know you've got cancer of the toe jam. Plus which you don't know nothin' about women."

Hoss: "I know all there is to know, Feelgood. Women are like Pet Rocks that you can kiss."

Feelgood: "Hoss, Hoss, Hoss, you are one log short of a load. See, you are sick. You probably ain't going to last more than a few more days weeks fortnights. And then that poor lady goin' to plant you like a tater. Don't you feel the least bit sorry for her?"

Hoss: "I don't get it, Feelgood. Why are you raining on my parade?"

Feelgood: "Well, I seen her picture, and I thought maybe she'd like a man that has more body parts than you."

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My favorite word today is woman. N., can't live with/without them. Def.: What replaced the human hand.