Hoss Fumbles the Question

So, Ol' Hoss goes out to the insane asylum mental hospital to see what's what. On the course of my rounds, I asked the doc, "How do you tell when you need to latch onto a body? I mean, what makes them crazy?"

"Uh, Hoss, we don't use 'crazy' here," he says. "Try 'mentally challenged'."

"Okay, how do you tell when some mental is challenged?"

The doc says, "We fill up a bathtub with water. Then we give the patient a bucket, a teacup and a spoon, and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Well, that's easy. The normal guy would use the bucket because it's bigger."

"No, Hoss," says the doc. "The normal person would pull the plug. You want a bed near the window?"

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Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.

If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?

Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.

Ever notice that the people who are late are much jollier than those who have to wait for them?

Have a fine day, and know that someone who thinks you are great has thought about you today: Me.

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My favorite word today is minute. N., three times a three-minute egg. Def.: Whether it is 60 seconds or a half-hour depends upon which side of the bathroom door you are on.