Up to My Neck

And a happy, happy Halloween to you. (Hard cider is not what it's cracked up to be. Or maybe it is?)

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Anyway, it's time for a Halloween story:

An elderly couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in forever decided to dress up and go out.

The old woman went into the bedroom, stripped naked, and tied a lemon between her legs. When she came out, the husband cried, "You can't go out like that!"

She responded, "I can go any way I like. And so can you."

So he goes into the bedroom, then comes out stark, raving naked with a potato tied to his tallywhacker. The old woman says, "You're going out like that?"

He: "Yep. If you can go as a sour-puss, I can go as a dictator."

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Two girls are chatting, and one admires the other's skin. "What makes it so soft and beautiful?" she inquired.

"Once a week I fill a bathtub up with milk, and just soak in it," she replied.

So this girl goes out to a farm and tells the farmer, "I'd like a lot of milk."

Him: "How much?"

Her: "Well, quite a lot because I'm going to soak in it."

Him: "Okay, pasteurized?"

Her: "No, just up to my neck."

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My favorite word today is snow. N., what's new? I don't know; what snew with you? Def.: What didn't exist, but old people remember walking to school in it.