Defeat of da Duck Went Over.....

A strawberry blonde was using her weed eater in her yard and accidentally cut off the tail of her cat, which was hiding in the grass.



She rushed her cat, along with the tail, over to Wal-Mart.



Why Wal-Mart?



Wal-Mart is the largest retailer in the world.

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Air Force One arrives at Heathrow and President Bush strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen.  They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they change to a magnificent 17th Century carriage hitched to six white horses.  They continue on toward Buckinham Palace waving to the thousands of cheering Britons.  All is going well.



Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous, earth-shattering gas-off ever heard in the British Empire.  The smell is atrocious.  Both passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs over their noses.



The noise shakes the coach but the two dignitaries do their best to ignore the incident.  The Queen turns to President Bush and says, "Mr. Bush, please accept my regrets.  I am sure you understand there are some things that even a queen cannot control.



George Bush, always trying to be presidential, responds, "Your Majesty, do not give the matter another thought.  Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses."



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One day the housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt.  He called to his wife in the kitchen, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"



"It depends," she resonded.  "What does it say on your shirt?"



"University of Oklahoma."



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My favorite phrase today is a bell.  N., ringie, ringie, dingie.  When you tell your doctor you feel like this, he says, "Here, take two of these pills.  If they don't work, give me a ring."