His First Day in School

It was the first day of school and a new student named Chandrasekhar Subrahmanhyam entered the fourth grade.  The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.  Who said, 'Give me liberty or give me Death?"  She sawa sea of blank faces, except for Chandrashekhar, who had his hand up:  "Patrick Henry, 1775," he said.



"Very good!" said the teacher.  "Now, who said Government of the People, by the People, and for the People, shall not perish from the earth?"  Again, no response except from Chandrashekhar.  "Abraham Lincoln, 1863," he said.



The teacher snapped at the class.  "Class, you should be ashamed.  Chandrashekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do."



She heard a loud whisper:  "F**k the Indians...."



"Who said that!" she demanded.



Chandrasekhar put his hand up.  "General Custer, 1862.



At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."



The teacher glares around and asks, "All right.  Now, who said that!?"



Again, Chandrasekhar says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1999."



Another student, now furious, yells, "Oh yeah?  S*ck this!!"



Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair, waves to the teacher, and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997."



Now, with almost mob hysteria, someone said, "You little shit.  If you say anything else, I'll kill you."



Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandry Levy, 2001."



The teacher fainted.  And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh, shit, we're f**ked!"



And Chandrasekhar said quietly, "George Bush, Iraq, 2005."



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Remember Achmed?  He's back in tune, right here.



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Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight.  When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.



I don't think you should take one, Dad.  They're very strong and very expensive."



"How much?" asked Grandpa.



"$10.00 a pill," answered the son.



"I don't care," said Grandpa.  "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning I'll put the money under the pillow."



Later the next morning the son found $110 under the pillow.  He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10, not $110."



"I know," said Grandpa.  "The hundred is from Grandma."



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My favorite word today is bugs.  N., wasn't he a Las Vegas mobster?  Def.:  Those little black things you find in enclosed light fixtures.