Things You Can't Say When Spiffed

Things Difficult to Say When Drunk



1.  Innovative

2.  Preliminary

3.  Proliferation

4.  Cinnamon



Things Very Difficult to Say When Drunk



1.  Specificity

2.  Anti-constituionality

3.  Passive-aggressive disorder

4.  Transubstaniate



Things Impossible to Say When Drunk



1.  No thanks, I'm married.

2.  Nope, no more booze for me.

3.  Sorry, but you're not really my type

4.  Taco Bell?  No thanks, I'm not hungry.

5.  Good evening, Officer.  Isn't it lovely out tonight?

6.  Oh, I couldn't!  No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.

7.  I'm not interested in fighting you.

8.  Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance.  I have no coordination.

9.  Where is the nearest bathroom?  I refuse to pee on the side of the road.

10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.



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A doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. 



"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here years ago.  Red meat is awful.  Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.  Chinese food is loaded with MSG.  High fat diets can be disastrous, and nne of us realize the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.



"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, and we all have eaten it, or will eat it.  Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"



After several seconds of silence, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand and said softly, "Wedding cake."



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My favorite phrase today is The Law of Public Speaking.  N., If the shoe fits, it's ugly.  A closed mouth gathers no feet.