There's Fast; Then There's Faster

The other day two people asked, in the comments, when's my birthday.  I don't know what inspired them to ask, for it is a long way off now -- well over a month.

To get the story of why I have two birthdays, click here.
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The office manager of the local Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill the Store Greeter job opening.  He found four candidates who seemed qualified, so he called them all in for an interview.  He asked them all, "What is the fastest thing you can think of?"

Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, "A thought.  It just pops into your head.  There's no warning -- it's just there.  A thought is the fastest thing I'm aware of."

"Very good," said the manager.  "And now you, sir?" he said to the second man.

"Hmmm.....let me see.....A blink!  It comes and goes and you don't even know if happened.  A blink is the fastest thing I know of."

"Excellent," said the interviewer.  "The 'blink of an eye' -- that's a very popular cliche' for speed."

He turned to the third man, who started right out.  "Well, out at my Dad's ranch, yiou step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch.  When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an instant.  Yep, turning on a light is the fastest thing I know of."

The interviewer was very impressed with this answer, and thought he had found his man.  "It's hard to beat the speed of light," he said.  But, he turned to the fourth candidate, Bubba, and asked him the question.

Ol' Bubba didn't hesitate.  "I heard the first three answers, but none of them is right.  It's obvious to me that the fastest thing going is diarrhea."

"What?!! exclaimed the interviewer.

"Oh sure," said Ol' Bubba.  "You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom.  But before I could think, blink or turn on the light, I had already shit my pants."

Next time you're in Wal-Mart, say howdy to Ol' Bubba for me.
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My favorite word today is rain.  N., pitter patter on the window or some such.  Def.:  When this happens, and a kid asks where rain comes from, you tell him "God is crying."  And if asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."