Bathtubs Can Be Appealing, I Guess

This is St. Patrick's Day. Big deal. I'm French.

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Here are things I know a lot about: how to spell "February"; gooseberries; some things that you don't care about. Which takes us right to bathtubs.

When I was a kid (circa 1930s) we didn't know about showers. We also didn't know about bathtubs. Living at 736 Florida St. in Bend, Ore., my brother and I would get a bath in a galvanized tub each Saturday. I don't ever recall fighting over who got to go first. Since it was a bum deal, we probably fought over who got to go last.

So, anyway, we moved to a house that had a bathtub. Do you know you can get just as dirty taking a bath as if you didn't take one? My favorite word today is bathtub. N., strange place to be. Def.: Place to redistribute dirt.

Later, houses had bathtubs with showers in them. Too many people cracked their skulls taking showers in bathtubs, so they put some strips on the tub so your feet could get a grip. But then nobody wanted to sit on these things, so bathtubs became extinguished.

So now houses come with no bathtubs at all. This is probably not the best time to be an expert about bathtubs.

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A dog goes into a hardware store and says, "How about a job?"

The owner says, "Nah, get outta here. Go join the circus."

Dog: "What would the circus want with a plumber?" --(Courtesy of Milt Bogs.)

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My favorite phrase today is in conclusion. Adj., wrapping it up. Def.: The audience stirs.