Is This Funny Yet?

Marti reminds me that it is difficult to know what's funny, and what ain't. So we are gonna show you:

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions. (Nah, not funny yet.)

The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand....and try saying things like: "Yes, I see," and "Yes, go on," and "I understand." The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest. (Wait, there's more.)

The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying, "No shit.....what happened next?" (Minor uproar, followed by two or three chortles.)

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Presidential candidate Maxine:

Maxine on Driver Safety: "I can't use the cell phone in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making gestures..." (Ho ho.)

Maxine on Housework: "I do my housework in the nude. It gives me an incentive to clean the mirrors as quickly as possible." (Hmmmmm.)

Maxine on Technology Revolution: "My idea of rebooting is kicking somebody in the butt twice." (Yawn.)

Maxine on Lawn Care: "The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who is muscular and shirtless." (Heh-heh.)

Maxine on The Perfect Man: "All I'm looking for is a guy who'll do what I want, when I want it, for as long as I want, then go away. Or wait nearby, like a Dust Buster, charged up and ready when needed." (Ho ho har de har har.)

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My favorite word today is 1/2 mile. N., or thereabouts. Def.: The closest distance at which sheep remain picturesque. (Cackle.)