Remembrances

This cartoon reminds me of Magill's Drug Store in Bend, Oregon. Magill had one of those really tall scales that you could weigh yourself on, and it didn't cost a penny, like lots of other scales did. Magill's is now out of business, probably because they didn't collect a penny per weigh-in.

I weighed myself there pretty often (for free, of course), and every time it was the same: 129 pounds. I was 5'11", and I only weighed 129 pounds. And Magill wouldn't let me go in there dripping wet, so I never weighed as much as you do now.

Which is kinda of surprising, because right next door to Magill's was Kessler's Ice Cream Shop. This was the hangout of choice for my gang in high school. I'm sure Coca Cola existed then, but we studs had milkshakes (chocolate, banana) or "lemon phosphates," whatever they were. After a year of this: 5'11", 129 pounds.

Well, that's enough about olden times. Now let's look to the future. Because the earth's rate of rotation is slowing, the length of each day is increasing by 2 milliseconds per century. So, later on when I get to be 100, I will actually be 100 + 2 milliseconds. You suppose they can get all that on a tombstone?

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From my buddy Peskie, brother of Oz:

On the third day, Jesus rose, rolled back the rock at the door of his tomb, and walked again on earth.

And a passerby, noticing the open doorway, says: "What's the matter with you? Were you born in a barn?"

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My favorite word today is dissemble. Adj., a major fake-out. Def.: A clean joke held in reserve for the time you tell your buddies one about whorehouses and which you tell the wife after she says, "What's so funny?"